On 1 July 1945, The Australian 7th Division, composed of the 18th, 21st and 25th Infantry Brigades, with support troops, made an amphibious landing, codenamed Operation Oboe Two, a few miles north of Balikpapan, on the island of Borneo. The landing had been preceded by heavy bombing and shelling by Australian air and naval forces. The Japanese were outnumbered and out gunned, but like the other battles of the Pacific War, many of them fought to the death. 230 Aussies paid the ultimate sacrifice. On 4 July 1945, 3 days after the landing, legendary wartime Prime Minister John Curtin coughed and snuffed, a war dead himself killed by the stress of leading his country through year after year of humankind’s greatest conflict. He was succeeded as Prime Minister by the charismatic and never to be forgotten Frank Forde who lasted 8 days.

On 24 April 2009, Operation Yoboe commenced, another amphibious assault on Borneo, not to fight the Japanese for the future of the free world, but to wrestle oilmen and students for the title of arguably the best Aussie Rules Team in Borneo on the day. No less than the Borneo Cup was at stake.

Like Australia, the Bintangs lost their leader, not sprawled dead over his desk in Canberra but rather recalled back to Brisbane for his mother’s birthday party, marching with the Home Service by day and at night a lounge lizard. He could be seen not on the field for the Bintangs but in weather board homes dancing with his mum’s friends, affection-starved neighbourhood war widows, for ration coupons and American cigarettes.

The Bintangs looked for a new leader: one for whom a mother’s demands are never an issue and of course all eyes fell on Dave “Parthenogenesis” Edwards, who on 25 April 2009, 64 years after the Battle of Balikpapan, stood up like a latter day Frank Forde to become the 13^th coach of the Jakarta Bintangs. He skulled the poisoned chalice.

The AirAsia troop carriers were filled with the usual calloused veterans of previous Bintangs assaults: Barber, Clanchy and even Staff Sergeant Muzz whose first game was at the Tsunami benefit match where they raised £42 for the victims of Krakatau. This was however to be the youngest Bintangs team ever. Recruits like Sam Refshauge, Drew Johns and Drew Higgins, who wouldn’t pass for 37 anywhere, lied about their age to join up. Simon McKenna and Ben Whitcombe lied about both their age and their weight and somehow got enlisted. Matt Gulbis didn’t drink. You see what I mean.

ANZ Jakarta Bintangs vs. Borneo Bears    1^st Match   

When the Dirty Dozen and a Half charged the Borneo Bears, the devil’s brew of adrenalin, patriotism and in at least one case four stubbies of beer, Bundy and a shouting match with the receptionist took the Bintangs over the wall. Ben Whitcombe was as dangerous as mustard gas up forward, putting two big goals through and picking up many possessions in the danger zone.

Corporal Dirk Diggler lived up to his youthful promise with a goal off the wrong foot in his first ever kick as a Bintang. To frame this achievement in its proper perspective, it is possible to play 51 games as a Bintang and have the same goal tally as Diggler had achieved 5 minutes into his career.

The Bintangs held off a spirited but overwhelmed Borneo Bears beachhead assault to finish the half 4.1 to 2.2. Ben Clanchy was getting a bit of the ball and was ultimately to bring home 2 behinds in this his 52^nd game.

After a stirring half time address by the new coach, and a human wayang gulit show by Chris Bandy where he recommended sweeping changes to the game plan and the provisions of the Geneva Convention regarding treatment of opponents, the Bintangs swept out again for more of the same.

Muz set up an Italian restaurant in the forward line dedicated solely to feeding Ardi. Time after time, with the accuracy and aroma of an Emperor Penguin chundering food into the mouth of its fledgling, Muzza landed a stream of choice morsels to Ardi in the front trenches. Unfortunately, as ANZACesque as his efforts were, Ardi could not get it through the big sticks. But the seed was planted. Ardi was to transmogrify into the Alan Didak of the late All Star game and to be a bloody handy leading forward all day.

The second quarter saw further dominance established by the Bintangs over the Bears. The Bintangs ran from start to finish, and pulled off practiced set plays under sturdy Bears pressure. Inaccurate, sure, for 0.9 but great kick winning from the likes of Archer, Bandy and Private Higgins.

The still water running deep Dave Butcher left the field as the equal most successful Bintangs coach ever (on average). Indeed the most equal successful Aussie Rules coach ever (on average). The Grand Final beckoned. With such a titan in the engine room and such a bunch of latter-day Dorizzi Brothers on the field, what could possibly go wrong?

SCORES:    ANZ Jakarta Bintangs 4.10.34 def. Borneo Bears    2.4.16

GOALS:   Ben Whitcombe 2, Rod Diggler 1, Jerry Rouwhurst 1

BEST: (unofficial)  Archer, Butcher, Bandy, Ben Whitcombe, Drew Higgins, Ardi, Muzza

ANZ Jakarta Bintangs   vs. ANZ Jakarta Bulldogs     1st Encounter

Beyond any doubt, the scariest part in “The Exorcist” is when the little possessed chick starts talking backwards. Imagine then the chill of fear felt in the prematch huddle, when Peter Wallace starts reciting the team names and positions backwards in the same manner. There is credible evidence that Satan himself has had to go to an exorcist when he got possessed by Peter Wallace so it can be appreciated that this was one arcane mofo of a pill for the team to swallow, first up.

There was, however, no supernatural reason for the result of the next 24 minutes, just inspired, quality football from the Bulldogs in every part of the field. They carved up the small ground with precise long kicking to position. They outran human cheetah Boy Sabar. They kicked a bagful from set shots, opportunities grabbed in melee and on the run. They gave Butcher a rare defeat. A callow stripling youth dominated the ruck clearances. Admittedly, tap ruckman, Damian ‘Smouch’ Smith was missing Matt Jolly. Not so much as a crumbing midfielder but because Matt has always been such a nice guy to Damian, a warm support and a firm friend bringing a special sunshine into big Damian’s turbulent life.

Boy and Liam “Catch 22” Hammer were Simpson and his donkey in the back trenches, teaming together to stop a certain goal. However, for the most part, the cohesive play of the Bulldogs left Boy like the boy who stood on the burning deck playing with explosive crackers and we all know what happened to him.

5.3 to 0.3 for the first half was an accurate reflection of the play of the Bulldogs. The shell shocked Bintangs regrouped for a bayonet charge on the enemy’s guns in the second half and put flashes of their best on display for the Borneo Bears cheerleaders, but it was never to be enough. With the Bulldogs putting through 6.0 to 2.3, the Bintangs had to be satisfied with highlights such as a brilliant steal by Drew Johns, the rare and fleeting grandeur of a Clanchy Goal, and the poignant performance of Muzza, who received a ‘push in the back’ and a scholarship to the National Institute of Dramatic Arts in a performance that was called ‘a stunning tour de force’ by the Jakarta Globe and ‘the best stomach on the ground performance since Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct II’ by Ralph Magazine. It also got two thumbs up from John Hopoate.

A telling and enduring image of the game was the sensational goal put through by Alf Eddy in the last half 30 metres out with two opponents right on his case.  The partial blindness that has so direly affected his lineage seems to have skipped a generation in Alf’s case.

A group of ANZAC veterans in a battered tour van drove by giving the bird and browneyeing the Bintangs huddle. Tough but fair. The Bintangs vowed to the jeering pants down old men that like the ANZACs of old, the Bintangs may be beaten but never broken, struck down but never vanquished.

Foot note: There was some debate over the appropriateness of the free kicks and whether equal amounts of softness were being dispensed by the umpire. For those who would like a succinct and dispassionate discourse on this topic, please call Chris Bandy on +62 812 1363 2158. For those reading this on the Net that may need to call long distance, kindly use ANZ visa card 4088 2168 5496 5487, name: Christopher Bandy, expiry: 08/10, numbers on the back 258, password: Chris, password prompt: superstar.

SCORES:    ANZ Jakarta Bintangs 2.6.18 def. by ANZ Jakarta Bulldogs    11.3.69

GOALS:   Ben Clanchy 1, Ben Whitcombe 1,

BEST: (unofficial)  Smouch, Bandy, Clanchy, Archer

ANZ Jakarta Bintangs   vs.ANZ Jakarta Bulldogs      Grand Final

When a team has kicked 11 goals to 2 in 24 minutes of football, what odds would you give for the rematch two hours later?

Well, first you would have to reckon with what Sledge calls the Audacity of Hope.

The encrypted Morse Code from Central Command was deciphered by “Austrade advisor” Craig Senger (deep cover spook) and the orders that were to shape the fate of the Borneo Cup were read out. Major Jeremy Archer was promoted to Field Marshall of the 30 yard zone. The ground war was shifted to aerial bombardment. Quoting HQ: “You don’t have to run around hungover chasing a 17 year old teetotaler in the air”.

The bombardment began. Long bomb to Archer who backed his judgment, marked and put it through. Smouch pulled out a pair of his Dr Octopus arms to take a speccy and passed it straight to the Field Marshall again for another goal. To show it wasn’t a fluke, Smouch marked, this time with his eyes shut while the ball bounced around different parts of his body until he detected it by sonar. Another goal. Ben Whitcombe stopped the show with his performance of the challenging ballet piece Après Midi de la Faun by Vaslav Nijinsky culminating in a banana kicked goal right through the high diddle diddle. As per orders, Archer dobbed another.

In the second half, the Bulldogs continued being truly worthy opponents and putting on major skills exhibitions time and again but the Bintangs were hungrier for victory and had sorted their game plan. Bandy was peeling off heaps of accurate disposals around the ground, Butcher was carving it and when the ball landed in the Bulldogs forward line, they had to contend with the weapons grade tackles of Sam Refshaughe. Archer kicked his fourth and then followed it up with number 5.

The siren rang and the Bintangs held victory in their sweaty hands on the Total Oil football field. Employees of the French oil company ran out immediately to collaborate with the victors. The Yoboes had landed.

SCORES:    ANZ Jakarta Bintangs 7.7.50 def. ANZ Jakarta Bulldogs    4.4.28

GOALS:   Archer 5, Ben Whitcombe 1, Smouch 1

BEST: (unofficial)  Archer, Bandy, Smouch, Refshaughe, Butcher